When you have CANCER?

Dealing with yourself,  is always easy. We say it all the time. "If it had been me…then it would be easy".

But when you are just told that you have CANCER. Various emotions float- scary, bad and very bad! You may be  disappointed and feel unfortunate. But it definitely brings out the lost emotion- Inner strength. You are a fighter and will not give up!

It is natural, to feel hopeless and low- when you know that you have cancer and may be just have few more months with your loved ones. You may feel that your life has just hit the rock bottom.

My father was to be operated, when by chance it was discovered that he had cancer. I was the first one to be told. But I wanted to hide from my father-just like he would have from me. After all now, it was my time to take care of him. However my mother could not control her emotions, so papa came to know about it.

He was shocked. He didn’t know what to say-just like we all din’t know how to react? But after 2 days, he spoke and said - it's  just like any other illness and he will get well. He was confident.

As time passed, he lost hope. And he somewhat made peace with his approaching death.

He openly acknowledged, he now wanted to die. I remember him feeling dejected just once- when he said, Why me? rest he was very hopeful throughout the treatment .

He making peace with his going away -I hated it and was really annoyed. According to him, he was making things easy for me. He wanted me to stop trying!And let him go. And now when I look back- he was suffering too much. The feeling that he was making my life "difficult" was taking over him and he felt it was "worthless"- eventually, he had to go!. 

Gradually he deteriorated- he spoke very less, and smiled very less. But there were certain things which I really want to share with people who are fighting cancer in some way- patient or family.

• Papa, never really gave up. He kept on trying till the end came. 
• He took active part in his own treatment.
• All  through the treatment, he was very tolerant-both at emotional and physical level.
• He was always hopeful and  kept faith.
• Lastly, he always said that he was fortunate to say good bye to all his loved ones.

To conclude, I will say-Its okay to cry, its okay to be silent or be angry. But don't give up. 

Dealing with cancer is very difficult especially when you know the result. But all you have to do keep trying. That’s what papa always said and true to his word- he kept trying. He lost the battle, but I am so proud of you papa!

Happy Makar Sakranti Papa!