The Beginning.....

Papa always said "believe in yourself", and my whole life centers around this one phrase, so much so

that i never realized when my confidence became over confidence. But sooner or later, life teaches to a lesson and you are just left shocked. I have been a very confident person all my life and like to take charge of the situation. Most of the time i have taken charge of things also and the result has been very bright.

My father had (he still is) been my pillar of strength, he taught me so many things in life.  There were decisions i made, not sure but papa said go ahead - I am behind you. Though professionally he was an agriculturist but he was an excellent mathematician. He was excellent with numbers - the only thing papa couldn't teach me. All the things are gone and i am just sitting and trying to put together my father's memories.

Now when I remember, papa always complained of having pain in the abdomen. But he wouldn't visit the hospital. He thought, it was just another "old age" thing and so did we. But when  after months of medication, the pain din't stop. I decided to take him to the hospital.  As we all thought, so did the doctor- papa had gallstones. They needed to be removed immediately. The doctor said, there will be a minor operation and things will be fine. Papa was more then okay so I decided to admit papa that day itself (sooner the better). I din't wanted to take chances. But....But....But it was already too late. 

Next morning, which started just like any other day made history- 30 November 2012 ( I will never for get this day). Me and my husband along with our daughter reached the hospital around 8am. Mom was already there.  Around 9:30am, papa was taken to the operation theatre. But 5 minutes later the doctor came out and called for me. For the next few seconds, I was BLANK, I wanted to ask, but words refused to come out of my throat. My feet suddenly felt so heavy. 

Papa, had Cancer - stage 4 (Metastasis). And he has got few months to live...

I asked, Are you sure? The doctor said, I am confident but for your satisfaction get a biopsy done.   I hoped for a miracle. But miracles don't happen, at least that is one thing that i have learn't from my experiences in  the past few months.  As expected, miracle did't happen  - and it was confirmed! Papa was going...far ...far ...away.

I read extensively on internet, and there were survivor stories. I felt motivated. I started of dreaming but has anyone ever seen dreams coming true. If they come true - they will not be called dreams, right ? Generally, I am a very positive person and have always believed in the goodness of life.  I decided to put a fight and when i saw my father- my confidence got doubled- he too was ready to fight.
Together we will!

I vouched, that come what may- the treatment will go on without any hiccups and the only way to ensure it was, to do it myself. If everything goes fine and with the best treatment, papa will be cancer free in few months ( God, I will not let you take papa, I smiled).  

Cancer means death in the next few days,  few months or may be if you are lucky few more years but your loved one will go. Papa fought and he fought bravely. In his 10 months of treatment, i never saw him give up or be negative. He always smiled for us even when he was degenerating from inside.

Papa went away. I was heart broken ( And, God smiled back at me!)

During the course of treatment, I met a few good people and I take this opportunity to thank all those beautiful people. It is because of you, I was able to take  care of my father. Though he is not with me. But i will never forget your kindness.  Thank you and God bless you all!

Love you papa!